Firsts

Parenting is an exercise in firsts. First bath, first foods, first day of school... And this week as C turns five, we will embark on yet another first--the first "invite your whole class" birthday party. For some reason, this idea fills me with a lot of anxiety. Perhaps it's reawakening some of my childhood fears. I didn't have the easiest time making friends in elementary school, and I can still remember some episodes of social rejection so clearly, it was as if they happened yesterday. While I did eventually make some wonderful childhood friends that truly became friends for life, things like birthday parties were always a source of anxiety for me. "What if no one invites me to their parties? What if no one comes to my party?"  And while C views his first big party with only excitement and has no doubt that everything will be wonderful, I feel some trepidation. Again I wonder, what if no one comes? What if the kids don't have fun? What if they are mean to my son? Because what a parent always wants most is for their children to be happy. I know the day will come when C will learn that not everyone is nice and not everyone wants to be his friend, but for now I'm glad that he holds onto his innocence. After all, he is still my baby!

I can't believe how far we've come.