I have suffered from insomnia with all of my pregnancies. I am always tired and can fall asleep quickly, but if I wake up in the middle of the night, it takes hours for me to fall back to sleep. Between Hubby coming to bed late because he fell asleep watching TV on the couch, having to pee, or one of the boys waking up, it seems that almost every night I am wide awake around 3-4AM. It's very quiet at that time of night...except for my brain, which, once awakened, seems unable to shut up.
Tonight I was sound asleep until I heard O crying in panic at 4AM. I had forgotten to turn on the hallway night light, which caused him a great deal of distress. "WAAAAH, Mommy!! It was too dark and I didn't know where the door was!!" He's now sound asleep with Hubby in our bed, and after 30 minutes of lying awake staring at the ceiling, I gave up trying to fall asleep again and came downstairs. Might as well do something productive with my time, like making lists of the phone calls I need to make when it's a more reasonable hour, what C & O each need for the first day of school, etc.
I've been feeling very stressed these last couple of weeks because both boys are starting new schools this year. C is heading off to kindergarten, and O will be going to preschool for the first time. Because C has a significant dairy allergy, any transition like this is very scary for me and most of my recent insomnia has involved worrying "what-ifs". I had grown confident and comfortable with his care at preschool, and it is hard to start again with new teachers and staff. The lateness of class assignments hasn't helped my worries. It was only yesterday that I was finally able to meet his new teacher and speak with the school nurse! They both seem very nice and receptive to working with me to keep him safe in the classroom, so that is reassuring, but we will see how it all irons out once school starts. I haven't been worrying too much about O starting school since he seems ready for a new experience, he is going to C's old school, where I already feel comfortable, and so far he has no known food allergies. All of which are good things. But then I feel midnight "mommy guilt" that I am spending so much time trying to get things in order for C and I haven't really given O's transition much thought at all. With myself, I just can't win.
I keep hoping that once the boys settle into school, I'll be able to settle back into sleeping well. But if history is any indicator, I'll be suffering from this early morning waking for the rest of this pregnancy. Perhaps my body is just getting me ready for all those midnight wakings with a new baby. I guess that's not a bad thing.
But really, I'd rather get some sleep.