How to make an Apple Pie...

Step 1: Go apple picking! Insist on using the ladders even though there are tons of apples easily within reach while on the ground.

Step 2: Fight with your brother about whether to make apple pie or banana bread, even though your mom already went out and bought all the fixings for homemade pie crust, but has no ripe bananas.

Step 3: Agree to make an apple pie when your mom threatens to cancel baking altogether.

Step 4: Eagerly help mix flour, salt and shortening for the dough.

Step 5: Lose interest all together and go watch TV while your mom peels, cores, and slices lots of apples.

Step 6: Return when it is time to mix the apple slices with cinnamon, sugar, and nutmeg. This part smells good!

Step 7: Inform your mom of the many ways she is rolling out the crust wrong. Remind her that the recipe calls for making a "lattice crust" with one inch strips of dough, and ask "But Why?!!" a thousand times when she says that's too hard.

Step 8: Load the filling into the imperfect pie crust.

Step 9: Humor your mom and tell her that perhaps the regular pie crust will turn out OK, even though you really wanted the lattice crust.

Step 10: Whine about how hungry you are and ask "Is the pie ready yet??" every 30 seconds for the next hour, until your mom finally takes it out of the oven.

Step 11: Whine for the next 20 minutes about how you don't want to wait for the pie to cool!

Step 12: Dig into a big slice of pie at 4 in the afternoon and completely spoil your dinner.

Step 13: Talk with your mouth full. Your mom won't mind since you're yelling, "Do I like it? Yes I do!" and "Thanks Mom!"

Five minutes later, ruin the post-pie bliss by pushing your brother into the edge of the table, so that he gets a big goose egg.